happy valentine's day.
i grew up thinking that saint valentine was basically a political prisoner whose supporters sent him lots of letters when he was in jail. i liked that story, but apparently it was not true.
if you feel an urgent need to slit your wrists today, try drinking a nice mocha instead. you can also watch scary animal sex on you tube, it will make you be happy you don't have a date today. especially ostriches. ew. "never again," you will say, "will i have sex like ostriches do."